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There is a space between what we say and what we think, and that gap is never fully realized. But we can continue to try to connect the points, and eventually maybe we can get somewhere.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Skinny Love

Some times I feel a little lost about it. I look at the situation and don't see the difference. I look at the possibilities and I get confused. It all looks the same when the outcome is chosen. When it's held out by those hands.

We all want a piece of it, and when we aren't asked if we'd like some, we sometimes just grab it all out of spite. Out of some kind of honor or pride we're trying to fill. But what does it matter, when the other person is greedy, or maybe just too excited to share?

Just because we all want to cut the cake, doesn't mean there are enough knifes for all of us. But I don't mind giving up my knife. If making someone else happier makes the situation easier, I'm fine with that.

Today was hot. It's officially summer when I dream so much about the beach that I put up more pictures of it on my walls. I can stare at those photographs for hours trying to get to that sand. Soon soon soon soon soon.

The show keeps moving. It's like a child that's growing up too fast for me to keep up. I thought infancy lasted longer. But now it's walking and talking without me, making a name for itself, making friends, creating a reputation, developing an identity. It's definitely a boy. Like any 21st century parent, I'm supporting it financially as best I can, but pretty soon it's going to have to learn how to make it's own money. It's getting too old to not be working. I wonder what 1 human year is in SPACCCE years... something like 16 I guess.

Last summer I had Henry Miller's Big Sur to keep me company for a few months. Granted it was off and on, but it was a treat to have around. This summer I've got Emerson with me and his essays on Nature. It's a little religious, but I don't mind. A few old fashioned bible beliefs never hurt anybody...

I neglected to do a lot of chores today- write thank you's, put together the table and chairs that need to be painted, do laundry... Nerm and I took our time together instead. We let it take us. That's what happens when you don't know how to move in heat. It just takes over you like a giant wave, and the best thing you can to is just let it push you around until it pushes you out, back to the surface for air. But the only release in this heat are the nights, and even then you're lucky to get out. Tomorrow is supposed to be worse, I hear, so then it's a good thing I'll be in my air conditioned work... with all the wool.

Nerm's gone for a few days, Cecylia is gone too. When there's no distractions the silence can get pretty loud and itchy. But Nerm left her fan with me, so maybe my dreams will be a release. And on that note, bon nuit <3

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