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There is a space between what we say and what we think, and that gap is never fully realized. But we can continue to try to connect the points, and eventually maybe we can get somewhere.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

They're getting a piano

So, I haven't been keeping my promise about posting every day.... or even every other day for that matter... but that isn't to say I haven't been taking pictures! Last week was a rough we for a lot of people. It seemed like everyone I talked to was having literally the worst day or days they've ever had, and it was awful. But despite all of the pain we went through we all made it out alright.

I had my day on Thursday. I cried for four hours, and I just couldn't stop. It was like all of the frustration and stress and anger and fear and everything just all came out, and at my internship no less. I haven't felt that weak in a very long time. But the more I cried the better I felt, and by the end of the day I was feeling stronger. Then that night I had one of my reoccurring dreams, but this time it was from a scene I hadn't dreampt before. Over the years I've had a dream about a world war that I'm running away from but trying to solve at the same time. Everything is destroyed and it's all with nuclear weapons. But when I deampt the dream the time it was at the very beginning, just as the war was starting.

I was in an apartment with my 7 or so siblings. I was almost the oldest, and the others were a mix of boys and girls. We didn't like our mother, see was much older and couldn't relate to us at all, but our father was a lot of fun but always at work. In this scene we were all on the second story of our two story apartment, which was part of a larger apartment building. It was night and the city was glowing outside. We were about to put in a movie, but when I put it on, I realized it was full of war and scary scenes that I didn't think would be appropriate for my younger siblings. But the movie kept playing and all of a sudden we were in the movie. The movie was the war that was starting up all around us, but since I had seen the movie before (and this is when I realized in the dream that the movie had been one of my previous dreams) and I knew how it ended, I stayed calm.

All of a sudden our mother is coming up the stairs and outside there are electrical currents coming up from the ground and grouping together around tops of lightpolls that are 20 stories high. We're watching this all from our balcony, and I realize we have to go get our father because he knows how to save us and he knows the answer to the war. I run downstairs and start to grab my things, my keys, my cell phone and I put them all in my pockets, not bringing anything I can't put in my pockets. Two of my little sisters decide they're coming with me, one very young, about 10, and the other probable 15. Because I know what will happen, and I know they will be alright, I tell them its okay.

All around us water is beginning to pour through the corners of ceilings, and outside everything is either disintegrating or crumbling to pieces. I run upstairs to say goodbye to the rest of my family and reassure them that everything will be okay. When I get close to the top I see them turning to stone, and I remember that's a good thing- they will be turned to stone and after the war they will be able to return back to themselves. They will be safe this way. They look so scared, but I keep telling them it will be okay. The war will be long, and we will fight hard, but in the end everything will be okay.

When I woke up I told Nerm this and she said that must be how must be feeling right now, after having such a difficult day the day before. Probably. But it's definitely a huge reassurance to myself.

On another, kind of related note, this is a picture my intern boss took of me hard at work. This is what I get to look at 3 days out of the week :)

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